A little stumble...

Yesterday was a bad day. I felt like I had been doing so well at moving forward, and after a series of (not-so-big) events, a ton of feelings and despair came crashing back in just like that... To say the least, it was very frustrating. I mean, I've been working hard to pull things together and get back on track. Things have been looking up! Why, after a few little incidents, did I come back down so easily??

My friends have been reminding me recently that I'm not very good at dealing with failure (who is?). I am somewhat of a perfectionist... and yesterday was a failure of a day in my eyes. So, it's obvious this is a quality I need to try to work on.

I admit that I can be hard on myself. Today, I am kicking myself for my set-backs and actions yesterday. For reverting back to old habits I have been working hard to kill. I admit, I know beating myself up isn't healthy, and is probably only making things worse.
 
I know I can and will get through it. It is just a long drawn-out process that is bound to have stumbles along the way. Instead of dwelling on my stumble, I should instead be using today as a new day to dust off and pick myself back up. Yesterday is the past, after all. I need to accept that there will be roadblocks in my journey... Why is forgiving myself so difficult? It all makes so much sense in my head! If only changing our old habits overnight were an actual reality. :)

If I don't love and care for myself, who will? I mean, yes, I have people who are always there for me, even during this needy time, which I know isn't easy (THANK YOU!). But ultimately, I have to be the one to love and believe in myself in order to move forward in my life. True story.

So... this brings me to another topic that has been on my mind a lot lately. Human emotions. They are such an interesting thing. I find it so intriguing how QUICKLY our mood and emotions can change, from one day, one moment or one week to the next. You can have the worst day of your life, and the next day be the best. I have had many days full of ups and downs. One moment, I feel completely defeated... and within an hour I feel completely empowered. Isn't that amazing??

Something I've come to realize this year is that NOTHING is constant. That is both refreshing and terrifying at the same time. The good thing about this is that when I, or you, or whoever has a down moment, it's soothing to realize that it will pass. Nothing is constant, and the human psyche is no exception. On the other hand, it is terrifying because, unfortunately, the good times and good emotions will ebb and flow as well. And if nothing is constant, how do you find an anchor?

For now, I am embracing the good side of nothing being constant. It is a good reminder to me that even though I have a bad day, or if now I am having a difficult time, to be cliche, "This too shall pass." In a year, I will look back at this and say, "Wow, that was quite a ride!" Not to say that I won't still be dealing with parts of it, but it is bound to be better. I will be in a completely different phase in life with a whole new set of challenges. But that's okay. Part of this exercise now is learning how to move more gracefully through those!

So with that, my friends, I conclude my thoughts for now. Yesterday is yesterday. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Those, I can't control! But, I can do my best to make today the best it can be. Here's to a new day and to nothing being constant.