I'll just say it- I feel horrible about my body. I've been eating too much. Kinda' drinking too much. Exercise fell by the wayside in the last few months with Carnival Season. I'm possibly my heaviest ever, and I fell SHITTY. I am embarrassed by my own naked body. Fuck that. Time to change. Also, time to not give a shit about men and continue to focus on MYSELF, because my well-being should come first. No more OK Cupid. No more seeking out dates. Focus on me and all positive things in my life. So, I'm writing my goals down here to help me keep focused. This is a work in progress and may change accordingly.
5 Goals to health:
1. Exercise at least 3 times/week, hopefully 4. Schedule it in my calendar. Phase it in.
Immediate: Run a minimum of 2 times/week. Toning exercises once or twice. Yoga once. Stretch daily for 5 minutes. Ride my bike to work when I can.
May 1: Start doing daily core and stretching exercises. Find a comfortable place to set up in my house.
2. Meditate.
Immediate: Meditate at least 3 times per week for 15 minutes.
May 1: Meditate at least 5 times per week at 15 minutes.
June 1: Meditate daily for 15 minutes.
3. Eat properly.
Stop snacking between meals/snacks and out of boredom and routine.
Don't drink my calories.
No added sugar or sweets for at LEAST 2 weeks (April 7).
Measure my portions.
Eat SLOWER and mindfully.
Use My Fitness Pal. 1500 kcal per day, doesn't count exercise. Wine/alcohol only if it fits within my budget.
One cheat day per week, unless a special occasion.
4. Drink water and tea. If I feel hungry, drink at least 12 oz. of water first.
5. Weight goals: lose 2 pounds per week until I get down to 130 lb.
Next... financial health plan.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Here we go again.
It's been a kinda' crazy few months... Sadness mixed with euphoria and confusion.
First, I lost my dog. Ultimately, his kidneys failed; he was only 3 years old. He was sickly since I first got him, and I did my best to make him healthy and comfortable, but it was just beyond my control. It was, and continues to be, really sad and hard on me. It is also difficult as I got stuck with massive medical bills from this and his previous visits, which I'll be paying for months to come.
As that was happening, I was meeting a new man and falling hard. He helped me cope with Tchoups' loss and gave me something positive to focus on, for which I was incredibly thankful. He seemed amazing, to have all the qualities I want in a man and never seem to find, and he liked me too; almost too good to be true.
Fast forward 3 months. Not long in the time spectrum, but I think I've fallen in love with this man. Too good to be true? Yeah, most likely. Likely breaking up right now, but I'm just waiting while he sorts his thoughts. Heart aching and breaking. Can't sleep, can't eat, feel horrible. Here we go again. Breaking up is hard to do, and being rejected is a terrible blow to one's self-esteem.
I don't want to go down this path again. I want to be stronger and not let my self-worth be determined by others. I want to sleep. I want to be happy. I want to be in control of myself.
I am feeling the loss of Tchoups more now that I don't have a distraction, or a dog to focus on or cuddle with during my sadness. I miss him so much. Doubled with the (potential) breakup and hurt I'm feeling, I am having a hard time. I'm sad and feel alone. I have a wretched feeling I can't get to go away in the pit of my stomach.
But this time I am going to learn from my mistakes. I will not allow this to draw out. I will not let my emotions control me, but instead let them take their course and deal with it. I will cut contact completely if we break up. If we don't break up, I will not allow myself to be sold short or walked all over. I will take control of this situation and myself, no matter how much it sucks, because I need to love myself above anyone else.
Other things I will do:
I will continue to exercise, and even do so more.
I will study for my RD exam.
I will excel at work.
I will seek out new friends with healthy lifestyles.
I will finally get my bedroom livable and organized.
I will work on meditation again.
I will live my life one day at a time and not look back or dwell.
I will work on paying my debt, and eventually get a new dog.
First, I lost my dog. Ultimately, his kidneys failed; he was only 3 years old. He was sickly since I first got him, and I did my best to make him healthy and comfortable, but it was just beyond my control. It was, and continues to be, really sad and hard on me. It is also difficult as I got stuck with massive medical bills from this and his previous visits, which I'll be paying for months to come.
As that was happening, I was meeting a new man and falling hard. He helped me cope with Tchoups' loss and gave me something positive to focus on, for which I was incredibly thankful. He seemed amazing, to have all the qualities I want in a man and never seem to find, and he liked me too; almost too good to be true.
Fast forward 3 months. Not long in the time spectrum, but I think I've fallen in love with this man. Too good to be true? Yeah, most likely. Likely breaking up right now, but I'm just waiting while he sorts his thoughts. Heart aching and breaking. Can't sleep, can't eat, feel horrible. Here we go again. Breaking up is hard to do, and being rejected is a terrible blow to one's self-esteem.
I don't want to go down this path again. I want to be stronger and not let my self-worth be determined by others. I want to sleep. I want to be happy. I want to be in control of myself.
I am feeling the loss of Tchoups more now that I don't have a distraction, or a dog to focus on or cuddle with during my sadness. I miss him so much. Doubled with the (potential) breakup and hurt I'm feeling, I am having a hard time. I'm sad and feel alone. I have a wretched feeling I can't get to go away in the pit of my stomach.
But this time I am going to learn from my mistakes. I will not allow this to draw out. I will not let my emotions control me, but instead let them take their course and deal with it. I will cut contact completely if we break up. If we don't break up, I will not allow myself to be sold short or walked all over. I will take control of this situation and myself, no matter how much it sucks, because I need to love myself above anyone else.
Other things I will do:
I will continue to exercise, and even do so more.
I will study for my RD exam.
I will excel at work.
I will seek out new friends with healthy lifestyles.
I will finally get my bedroom livable and organized.
I will work on meditation again.
I will live my life one day at a time and not look back or dwell.
I will work on paying my debt, and eventually get a new dog.
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