A Year of Change

So, here I am, blogging. Honestly, I never thought I would have the desire to do this, or if I did, I had no idea what I would blog about that a bagillion people before me hadn't already, nor who's interest I would capture (my own included). So what brought me here?

Well, it all started about a year ago... actually, almost exactly. My relationship was crumbling and the day after Christmas, I moved out of the loft apartment I had shared with my boyfriend and our (but really his) dog... 2010 started with heartache. The heartache, and the subsequent reflection as to what would cause a relationship to crumble between 2 people who obviously loved and cared about each other and had so for almost 4 years, led the remainder of the year to be filled with more heartache (over and over it seems) and lots of self-reflection. All my soul-searching led me to therapy, and ultimately helped me find my mistakes in my relationship (amongst other self-discoveries), which I tried relentlessly to get back. I reflected. I changed. I fought hard. In the end, he wasn't ready as I was, even though the love was still there. The growth had only come from my end... he has his own journey to go through.

Besides my relationship crumbling, I recently quit my job, with no other real path lined up. Yes, I put myself in this position. I have been ready to move on to something different (although I don't really know what) for a long time, and now seemed the right time to do it. And while I'm glad I did it and excited for what the future will bring, all these changes have put me into somewhat of an early-mid-life-crisis. Two of the things that were a constant in my life, that seemed to define me, that were my comforts- my lover and my career, were suddenly non-existent. On top of that (or because of that?), my sense of self has gone out the window. Suddenly I find myself asking... Who am I? Where did I get lost? What defines me? What is important to me? Will I ever be able to feel "normal" and get my life back?? Where the hell do I go from here?! This brings us here, to the end of 2010, filled with more heartache, lots of tears, little sleep, a feeling of being lost, more self-reflection... and blogging.

What are my goals here, you ask? Well, that's pretty simple...

1. A place for me to get all my feelings and emotions out. I hope this is one of many steps I can take to pull the pieces of me back together (enough already!), to re-find what makes Leah, "Leah," and to make sure 2011 is a better year than 2010...  by no longer letting this "crisis" pull me apart, but instead use it as an opportunity and a guiding light for me to grow as a person, to find inner peace and balance, and deal better with obstacles and heartache that will inevitably show up again throughout my life.

2. A place for me to document my progress... and set-backs, and what I've learned along the way. (And somewhere to look if I need any reminders.)

3. Somewhere for other friends/people who might be interested about my happenings to get a better sense of where I'm at. (I've often said I can get things out better on paper. Although I admit, I do tend to get wordy.)

4. Perhaps this will be something others can read, whether I know them or not, that may be going through similar hardships in life... and in the end, hopefully a sense of inspiration and hope for them (after I successfully get through this! Which I WILL!).

So, that's it in a nutshell. And while I will delve more into these individual areas, I'll stop here for now...

Thanks for your interest in me/this/life. I'll look forward to future blogs and always welcome your comments and feedback! Happy winter soltice!! :)